Korrasexual
by bananamoonbelly
Summary: Because Korra is tired of all of the non-action and decides a little self-love is necessary in situations like hers.


**Hey all, I hope you're ready for a new ship, because I've pretty much covered them all in this little ficlette. Keep in mind it's meant to amuse and slightly abuse, but not to offend, much in the ways of parodies.**

**Rated for some language and light mentions of relationships that go beyond hand-holding.**

**I own nothing, Nick and Bryke are the masters of this universe, I'm just dropping by to visit.**

**I am doing this for me, because I am frustrated by the lack of love Korra is receiving, and because _this had to be done_. Period.**

**So, on with the crackfic!  
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**Korrasexual**

_Because Korra is tired of all of the non-action, and decides a little self-love is necessary in situations like hers._

**By: bananamoonbelly**

There were epic loves before Republic City.

Well, okay, maybe _only _one love and it really wasn't that epic.

Korra was all but raised by the Order of The White Lotus, after all. It only made sense that she also found her first romance amongst their ranks.

Howl.

Her first non-platonic hugs, her first hand-holding in the dark, her first kiss, her first…well the list certainly expanded from there.

But things were complicated, he was her guard she was his ward, it wasn't proper…again, the list went on but in a direction she didn't prefer.

And then she left for Republic City and Howl became her first, but not her last.

She really only came to Republic City to stalk Tenzin into training her. Korra never intended on any romantic liaisons to enter her playing field.

But then her eyes landed on cool-under-fire Mako.

And he was awesome, great, awe-inspiring. Enough to cure deadly diseases and cause organisms upon sight.

And they got along…well, okay so they really didn't get along. _At first._

Then just as Korra was making headway into his better graces, Mako met Asami, and they became an unclearly defined "thing" not moments afterwards.

Korra, the ever-present idiot that she was, declared her undying affections for Mako, to which he declined feeling similar destiny-level smutty things for her in return.

Korra moved on (kinda) and accepted a date from his brother, Bolin (which would later bite her square in the ass).

So Mako didn't feel the same, _big deal._

…until Mako sought her out and declared, _"I think you're really great and I'm confused, and I like Asami and I like you."_

So the only way to un-confuse him during his confusing plight would be to kiss him, of course (cause this would _certainly_ make things better, then again she hadn't really been that one-up on wisdom and inner-think-before-you-act at the time).

So, she kissed him.

And he _kissed her back._

And then he blamed her for breaking Bolin's heart (who happened upon their romantic non-romance moment).

And after a sketchy Pro-bending match, she said something along the lines of, _"it's confusing right now, but let's be friends, okay?"_ and he completely, wholeheartedly agreed (she did save his ass, after all, he owed her).

So that left her back at square one, and him with his sketchy non-feelings and continued (and poorly defined; was "with someone" an exclusive term?) relations with Asami-the-out-of-nowhere-sponsor.

But it was cool; Korra could handle her own (expect when she obviously couldn't).

Then, there was Bolin.

Sweet natured, stable-as-stone, Bolin, who she really should have handled better.

After a horrible, failed confession to Mako, Bolin appeared, ready and willing to band-aid Korra's broken heart and ruptured pride. She wasn't feeling date-worthy, he wasn't taking no for an answer, he found her to be super-awesome and told her as much, she laughed and delighted in the ego-healing (and Mako totally pulled a jealous face, because _of course_ she was watching).

And so they grabbed a bite to eat at a local noodlery.

Bolin truly was her soul mate, so much that whatever deity proclaimed such things, divided her and his soul into two based on the loudness and echo-quality of their belching talents. Nevertheless, despite being the deepest bro-mance Korra ever encountered, she was a fool and had Mako-fever as a permanent live-in on her brain.

And even after breaking earth-solid Bolin, he remained her friend and for this she was eternally grateful.

Then came the would-be romances, the ones that required turning her head to the side and squinting to be able to see properly.

Korra sighed, and remembered the first.

Tahno.

The marvelous hair-bender, capable of smashing his opponents into ice crystals all the whilst styling his strange, glossy locks into little suave waves to awe and grow his fan girl numbers.

Korra was quite fascinated by this one, as he was either too busy insulting her or propositioning her but, _sheesh, could he ever make up his mind on which he wanted?_ Honestly, Korra was no bed-hopper, but it wasn't like her line had been out the door recently either. The rape-faced waterbender could have _at least_ been classy enough to offer her _private lessons_ when she _wasn't_ on a date already.

But oh, every girl had a small corner for the sleazy, is-he-even-straight types in their hearts. Korra wanted to call him a bad boy, she really did, but he kept his hair _way_ to nice, _almost_ nicer than Asami's, even.

So Korra and Tahno fought it out in the Pro-bending championship. He was a lot better than she had expected him to be (he _was_ mostly hot-air) but she was able to land in a few humiliating hits to even the score.

Then Amon came and crashed their little party, with his typical blah-blah-blah superior-side-of-the-argument, inequality speech and his inability to see _that he wasn't invited._

Then he pulled out the thumb-trick and took away Tahno's bending and Korra's chance at private lessons with the feisty ex-bender also vanished.

Korra wanted to think there was hope in Tahno, but when she ran into him in the Police Headquarters, her heart exploded for him and she knew she would have to _try_ to get his bending back, if possible. Totally changing the romance possibilities into Avatar duties, _honestly_ she had no luck.

But, _hot damn,_ he was going to need to shower first before she considered those private lessons again.

And then there was Tenzin, but he was old, and her past-life-son, and he was married.

And then there was Amon, but really, _that_ was one for the tragic-lovers sonnets.

And there was even a time, in a moment of absolute desperation that Korra considered Lin; they were both buff enough. But Korra sent this thought flying as swiftly as a metal-bender through Republic City.

Hell, she would even bunk it with Asami, if just to learn how she kept her hair so damn perfect. But then she would have to deal with Mako, too, because _god forbid_ if he learned Korra was into Asami…_he'd probably suggest a three-some. Gah, no taste._

So Korra was really running out of options. _I bet even Meelo could get some action in this ruddy town, and that would be saying _something_._

She pulled at her hair in frustration. _Honestly_, was their really no other options? Surely the Avatars before her never had this problem? Korra wasn't almost desperate to track down Hasook; and _nobody_ liked Hasook.

She was smart, funny, good-looking, fit; why didn't she get any action? Why was she still single? It was as mind-boggling as it was tragic and Korra knew she should be thinking about other, more important things, like the Equalist Revolution. But if romance for the heroine wasn't a top priority then Korra would eat Naga's saddle and channel Aang to learn how the monks in his time avoided sexual encounters.

Korra swallowed. No, celibacy just _wasn't_ an option for her.

But if she wasn't patient enough to wait, then what could she be?

The thought hit her like a rabid polar bear dog escaping an avalanche.

She could be into _herself._ She was pretty enough for her, intelligent enough for her, hell, she oftentimes laughed at her own jokes. It was _perfect._

Korra didn't need a man, or a woman, or anyone else. She was so well matched for herself, no other being could ever hope to aspire to such greatness.

_Korrasexual._ It was mind-boggling how well she could communicate her wants to herself.

_I'm a genius, honestly, no wonder I was born the Avatar._

##

"Hey guys!" Korra walked into the gym, hands spread wide. She decided that casual water-tribe get-ups were _so_ Katara's time, and opted for something a bit flashier. She _was_ a spoken-for woman now, after all. She wore a form-fitting black dress and a pair of high-heeled shoes, figuring she should represent all her Avatar bling (and all of the colors mixed together was unattractive, so black would have to do). She wore her hair loose and wavy, her nails painted a lovely shade of red, and her makeup was immaculate. So she splurged a _little_, nothing other girls didn't do when in relationships.

She would be tired of this situation no more, however. No more wishy-washy men and the burning looks of passerbys. No more moony-eyes from Bolin and "I'm so sorry I can't decide" syndrome from Mako; she was a new woman.

"Hey…_Korra_," Bolin said, his voice became softer, mingled with surprise. "You look…I mean you always look…but _wow_."

"Thanks, but don't stare to hard, _I might get jealous_." Korra offered Bolin an easy smile, and he just seemed confused. "Nice uniforms, Mako, are those new?"

Mako was still staring at her, so Korra tired again. Finally, he seemed to snap out of his stupor. "Ah, yeah…Asami brought them by yesterday. Uh, Korra, what's with the new…look?"

Korra smiled at him and wagged a finger in his direction. "Surely this isn't so surprising to you; I'm sure Asami dresses up for you all the time."

"…you dressed up…for _me?_" Mako seemed to be hyperventilating.

"You silly, I did it for the same reason! I've got a date, and I wanted to tell you boys I can't practice today."

"Who is this guy?" Bolin didn't seem so happy anymore. In fact, he was pounding a fist into his palm. "I'll set him straight for you, Korra."

"Whoever said it was a guy?"

"Then it's…a girl?" Mako really looked rather faint and his cheeks were a deep red, and Korra _really_ wanted to whack him on the head to dispel the fantasies playing across his expression.

"Of course I'm a girl." With this, Korra twirled around and threw up a hand to wave farewell. She was by the door when she turned and addressed Mako one final time. "Honestly, breathe Mako. I'm sure I could double-date with you and Asami sometime, we'll see. I'm pretty found of my alone time with myself though, so don't be too disappointed if I wait a bit to the point where I'm going steady. You wouldn't want Asami to get jealous."

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**Yeah, this had to be done, and I'm pretty tired of raising the mask of one ship only to have it sink in the next episode.**

**Reviews would be lovely.**


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